Marriage IV - The Role of ONE FLESH

Memory Verse: Proverbs 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.

This study is to acquaint you with three essentials for you and your spouse to be one flesh. The guidelines come from principles taught in God's Word, principles for successful living, and apply to an even higher degree if two people are to be together on a daily basis.

FAITHFULNESS The First Essential

Clearly and emphatically in God's plan for your marriage you are expected and commanded to be forever and completely faithful to your mate "Until death" parts you. To be unfaithful sexually, to your marriage vows, and to God's direction not only removes God's blessing from your marriage, but clearly brings God's curse upon it.

What four things does Proverb 5:3-5 promise to the unfaithful?

Prov 5:3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: 4 But her end is ______________ as ______________, ______________ as a ______________ ______________.

5 Her feet go down to ______________; her steps take hold on ______________.

Look carefully at Pro 5:15-21. Why should we NOT embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Prov 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

21 For the ways of _______ are before the eyes of the ______________, and he ______________ all his goings.

Read 1 Cor 6:15-20. Notice that our bodies are not to be part of whoredom because : your bodies are the ______________ of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the ______________ of an harlot? God forbid.

Fornication, (any sex outside of marriage) is a sin with inward consequence as well as outward consequence, ..."Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that

committeth fornication sinneth ______________ body.

Read 1 Cor 7:1-5. According to this passage husband and wives are not to withhold sex from the

other. This is established in order to ______________ fornication, let every man have his own wife,

and let every woman have her own husband.

Being unfaithful sexually is warned against over and over in Paul's epistles to the believers in the Churches. It is the most prevalent sin. It is the most consequential sin. It is the sin with the most warnings. Purpose in your marriage that it will not once be named among you. Nobody falls into this sin, it is done on purpose. It is never something that cannot be helped! It is never something that just happened! Keep its effects in your conscience, yes it can happen to you. And it is never without life changing consequences.

Ephe 5:3 But ______________, and all ______________, or _____________________, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

1The 4:3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from ______________: 4 That every one of you should know how to ______________ his ______________ in sanctification and honour;

Keep your COVENANT! In Mal 2:11-16 Judah is warned about worshipping other gods, and such is likened to adultery towards a wife (one reason that God hates and swiftly judges adultery is because of this similitude.) Look at verse 14: Mala 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt

treacherously: yet is she thy _____________________, and the wife of thy _____________________.

Divorce in the Bible

There was such a practice, however, Christ intends that divorce not even be considered an option for a Christian home. Matt 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for

the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit ______________: and whosoever shall marry her the is divorced committeth ______________. Read carefully Matt 19:1-12 and Mar 10:1-12

FORGIVENESS: The Second Essential

Dr. Ed Wheat writes "Marriage becomes a series of surprises for most of us, and one of them is how frequently we need to forgive and be forgiven Faithfulness may be the first essential of a love filled marriage but even the best relationship cannot remain intact for long without FORGIVENESS: the second essential of marriage." Look at a few pointers for keeping you forgiveness not only present but running at the appropriate depth in your marriage.

Ephe 4:32 And be ye ______________ one to another, _________________, ______________ one ______________, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

What two attitudes should accompany forgiveness? ______________ ______________

Notice from God's word that forgiveness is a promise: Jere 31:34 ... saith the LORD: for I will

forgive their iniquity, and I will ______________ their sin no more.

When you have truly forgiven you will Remember their sin no more. Too often, down the road often in a battle, a mat will bring up a previous offense as a ware weapon, often in a vicious way. When that happens you know that there was not a Biblical forgiveness for that offense. This type of true forgiveness can only occur if you have a new nature born inside of you See Col 3.

Here are Four excellent steps to forgiveness.

1. Choose with your free will to forgive.

2. Make the promise to life the burden of guilt from the person as far as the wrong against you is concerned. Remember the person's sin no more - never mentioning it again to the person, to others, or to yourself, even by innuendo.

3. Seal it with your behavior, demonstrating love in suitable ways with tenderhearted kindness, and doing what the Bible shows you to be right in the situation.

4. Trust God to allow you to forget and to renew your mind with new attitudes.

What happens when you will not forgive?

1. If you hold on to your resentments, they will turn to bitterness. As a result, your life will be poisoned, and others lives, too Hebr 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

2. By refusing to release the burden of the other person's wrong against you and choosing to carry that burden yourself, you will become crippled in the living of your life. Hebr 12:13 And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. 14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

3. If your are not willing to forgive, (and forget), there is no way you can expect to walk in personal fellowship with God. Matt 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

What do I do when it seems impossible to forgive?

1. God never asks His children to do anything that He does not provide both the instructions for, and the strength to accomplish.

2. You do not have to be controlled by your feelings and you are not the helpless prisoner of your past. John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. . . .36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

3. Jesus Christ has special deliverance and healing for you if you have been bruised and wounded by the sins of your mate - or anyone else - against you. Luke 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

Do we have to forgive everything?

Sometimes people say "I can forgive everything but 'that'! Is there any sin that you can't be expected to forgive? The answer is that God is not selective with us. When He forgives us in Christ, He forgives everything. Ephe 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Forgiveness in your love relationship.

Here is how forgiveness can take its place in your love relationship, soothing the irritations and healing the hurts, which occur even between two people who love each other very much, and, afterward, restoring your sense of oneness.

1. Make a habit of forgiving and never keep count.

2. Settle your accounts quickly. If you cannot kiss your mate and say "I love you" before going to sleep, it is best to work on the conflict until it is reasonably resolved. Ephe 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

3. Remember that forgiveness always includes the idea of restoration and a new start.

Communication : The Third Essential

The third essential for your surviving as one flesh with your spouse is communication. This is such an important can complex essential that we will take the whole next lesson to cover some of it's basics.

Lets review some differences between men and women.

Men and women differ in every cell of their bodies. This difference in the chromosome combinations is the basic cause of development into male or female as the case may be. Women have greater constitutional vitality, perhaps because of this chromosome difference. Normally women outlive men by 3 or 4 years in the US. They differ in skeletal structure. Women have a shorter head, broader face, less chin, shorter legs and longer trunk. There are also internal differences. Women have a larger stomach, kidney liver, appendix, yet smaller lungs. In bodily functions, women have several important ones totally lacking in men: menstruation, pregnancy and lactation. Women's hormones are different and more numerous than men's. These hormonal differences influence behavior and feelings.

The thyroid gland behaves differently in the two sexes. Women's thyroid is larger and more active. Consequently, it enlarges during pregnancy and during menstruation; it make her more prone to goiter, provides resistance to cold, is associated with the smooth skin, relatively hairless body and thin layer of subcutaneous fat. Women's blood contains more water (20% fewer red cells), thus they tire more easily and are prone to faint. In England war factories increase the work day from 10 hours to 12 hours caused a 150% increase in accident rates for women and 0 % increase for men.

In brute strength, men are 50% stronger. Women's hearts beat more rapidly 80 to 72. Their blood pressure is 10 points lower, and varies from minute to minute, but they have much less tendency to have high blood pressure, at least until after menopause. Women's breathing power is significantly lower. Women withstand higher temperature variations better than men because their metabolism slows down less. As to sexual drive, the woman's relates to her cycle and man's drive is fairly constant. Women are affected by touch, words, and emotional feelings. Men are affected by sight.

Intuition is an unconscious perception of minute details which are sometimes tangible, sometimes abstract in nature. Since it is usually an 'unconscious' process, many times a women isn't able to give any specific explanations for the way she feels. A man tends to follow a logical analysis of circumstances or people.

God made us different. God made us for different roles. Obey God's roles, live life to the fullest.